We were taking a short flight from New York to Toronto to visit my sister the day I was escorted off the airplane by the police. My second son was around two and a half years old and just recently diagnosed. My husband and I hadn't told anyone yet. We were in the "let's hold off on this and see how fast he improves" phase. On the flight, he was extremely antsy and curious. He wouldn't sit still. He wouldn't put on his seatbelt. He kept playing with the buttons on top and moving the shades up and down. A flight attendant kept addressing me to put on his seatbelt and I told her he won't let. She then said to have him sit on my lap facing me. Another thing I couldn't get him to do. For an hour and a half...the lady kept coming up to me with no mercy commanding me to close his seat belt. In the most nasty way she could. I was visibly very distraught and shaken and I guess my husband realized that tears were building up in my eyes.
It was he who broke first. He started yelling at the flight attendant and saying "Ma'am...my wife is doing nothing wrong. Our son won't sit still. What do you suggest we do?" And the lady starting fuming. She called up another flight attendant to intervene. Once the other woman approached us, who had a soft and kind demeanor, it was now my turn to let loose. I started relaying the entire story of the flight and how nasty the other flight attendant had been. I turned around to ask the family sitting behind me to confirm my details about the woman. And the man said "Sorry miss. We were sitting here the whole time. It is not the flight attendant's fault you can't control your child. We have been controlling our children the whole flight." It was then that tears started streaming down my face and I immediately rebutted "are your children autistic, sir?" The man's face fell and he quickly apologized, letting us know he had no idea! I continued my case with the woman who was called over to mediate the situation. In the depths of my despair, I dropped the "c" bomb to describe as best I could what the other flight attendant was. I guess that's not allowed on airplanes. Next thing I know, the flight landed and I was being escorted off the airplane by like Canadian national security as if I was a uni-bomber.
My family and I walked to the gate and were met by a few policemen. My mother was sitting rows behind us on the flight. When she saw us in police custody she asked "Talia, what's happened?" I explained to her in our native tongue and then she told me "Just tell them your son has autism so they don't give you a harder time." And that's the very moment I told my mother. "Mom, he DOES have autism." And that's the very moment I had to explain the same thing to three strange men dressed in uniform. I was surprised how sympathetic they were. I told them there was no other word I could think of to describe the woman. They nodded in agreement. And that's when I learned something I never knew before. The police officer told me "you know, in the future, just let the airlines know that you are traveling with an autistic child. They'll be accommodating."
A few months later, my son started attending a center-based program (see The Services). The first few weeks we had several meetings with the school's social worker. She was curious about what our struggles were. I explained my new fear of going on airplanes, thinking that every experience would be as horrendous as our most recent one. She told me to come to her office where she handed me a couple pages which gave pointers on how to keep your child entertained on a flight. It was like the Bible of traveling with special needs children. Every bullet listed on that page worked like a miracle. It mentioned that we should buy NEW toys for the flight and open them on board to maintain our children's interest. It mentioned to have a lot of snacks on the flight to keep them full. Perhaps even bring a car seat on the flight because some children like the sensation of being snug (although we never had to go to these lengths). It said to bring headphones in case your child is sensitive to sound (which until this day we have not had to do). It was probably the single most helpful advice we have received in all these years.
Now that we were armed with the tools necessary to go on airplanes again, we were ready to plan our trip to Disney World. One of my friends who was an expert in all things Disney gave me the 411. I decided to tell her in confidence that I was a bit more nervous because my child was on the spectrum. And to my surprise, she answered "Talia, so is my sister. I know a bit about what you're going through. Disney is amazing with special needs. You can call them in advance and get a pass to avoid waiting on lines." And this is how I learned that A LOT of theme parks and museums offer this perk. It was by far and away the best thing to come out of the diagnosis! Not waiting on lines! This was huge! Instead, we just had to set a time in advice to go to a ride so we didn't have to wait in place (autistic children often like to move). And to my understanding, most of these parks don't even ask for a doctor's note, they trust your word. Now, to all those parents of typically developing children, I'd be weary to use this excuse to get these benefits. If you guys exploit this perk, you should just know that G-d is watching. Do not take your typical children for granted and do not try and use this huge benefit that us parents of special needs receive! And to all the parents of special needs, I hope my experiences will make your future travels as easy as mine have become!